Where to go with this idea of one little word is any ones guess this year! 2019 turned into a year of struggles and fears. We are still on that journey. Watching your child battle cancer is not for the fate of heart that is for sure. We can look great on the surface but the underlying fears are powerful and all consuming.
Tonight I thought I had this emotional rollercoaster under control when more information came rolling in. Not a change of health status but my own deeper understanding of how toxic the treatment is and its long range side effects. I don’t know what to do with the information that is now rolling in my head. I know that my daughter is dealing with all of this. She does her research and she is the one having this poison running through her system. The practice of using a poison to chase a wild out of control set of cells in your body is amazing and scary all at once. It is all pretty crazy.
I don’t know how to find one word to lead me through the next year as she heals and finishes her treatment. I want and need my thinking and actions to be positive, productive and also seeking less stress. What word can hold all of that?
I have no idea!
Breath is one I have been using for months now. Just breath!
Release is another thought – do not become attached release the emotions through slow and steady breathing.
Non attachment might also work for a word this year –
In Yoga we find the Practice of non-attachment. Practice means always showing up to do the work. Putting forth effort. Non-attachment means letting go of the outcome of that work. Letting go of the things that prevent us from seeing ourselves clearly – fear or pain, expectations or pleasure. (Thanks K.S. for this passage)
Forward is also a word that seems to fit. The idea of taking one step at a time. Not projecting into the future with thoughts that may or may not come about.
Trust is another word that fits and goes with the phrase below. Trust in myself to handle what is before me. Trust in others to also handle and more forward in good health and care. Trust can also fit into the wide context of our world and country. Trust that we will find a way through the issues before for us.
There is the phrase that I got from one of my co-workers – “Let your faith be greater than your fear.” I know that she is a very religious person. A person with a strong faith in her church. I am a person with a more spiritual back ground that encompasses a wholistic view of faith not tied to a church. This phrase still works for me on many levels. I like that it pushes faith in a positive way to over come the fear and negative that we so easily more towards.
This is certainly a phrase I will hold onto this year but still seeking to have a word – short and sweet that helps me each day as I walk through the ups and downs of health, healing and the growth and joy of a new grandson along the side of all this.
I could ramble on but have no answer this week. This is a question I think I need to live with for another week or so.
How about you? Do you have your guiding word for the year?
Wishing you all a Happy and Healthy New Year!