Day 29 Slice of Life – 100 Days – Really??!!

Yesterday I wrote about starting the 100 day creative challenge. It will begin April 1st. Just a few days a way. My goal is to draw a small amount every day. This is a challenge I took on the last few years and it fell apart. So here I am thinking of it again.

I am nervous about it. Yes, 100 days is a lot of days. I know I can change that if I need to. This is a commitment to myself. It is a chance to really push myself into the field of botanical art and nature journaling. I have been playing with this for 4 or 5 years. I am very slowly improving – very slowing. I know the lack of improvement is not working at it on a regular bases. I draw for a few days or a week and then let it go. One does not make improvements that way.

I can’t explain why I keep walking away from something that I think I really want to learn to do well. I know it is hard for me. The patience it takes, the details and the fine motor skills it required are all hard. They all in some ways run against my more wild nature. I am a big movement person. I love to be outside and walk. I love open spaces, long vistas, the open corn fields of Iowa bring me a sense of peace as I look over the miles to the horizon or the long view looking north shore on Lake Superior. My house is fun of windows – no curtains – just wide open view even though I sit in the middle of a city neighborhood.

So what draws me to the details of plants? Why do I seek to draw the gentle bend of a tulip leaf and the curve of the flowers petals? Why am I seeking the right mix of watercolors to bring forth the subtle shades of the flowers? This work is all about details and very close observation. It is not the broad strokes of Georgia O’Keeffe or David Hockney. I seem to be drawn to the tiny details of the plants. I am interesting in the botany and the ability to record, in accurate detail, the plant world around me.

I can’t answer these questions. I have tried but I have no thoughts as to why I want to learn something with so much detail. I have a good collection of books to learn from. I have watercolors, colored pencils, graphite pencils, paper and more. I have spend the last few years collecting all the tools of this art form. I even bought two good lamps to help me see the details of the plants.

So here I am setting myself up to try again. I also have to admit I have this tiny emotional fear inside me. The last several summers when I have set a goal to work hard in my garden and to really spend time painting some big event has happened that has shut it all down.

The first summer was Little Man’s birth while his Mom was fighting breast cancer. Those events stopped us all and held us captive. There was the wild joy of Little Man’s healthy birth (even though Mom was getting chemo). There was our support of Mom as she enjoyed her new born and continued the treatment to control the cancer within her. There was the exhaustion and all that comes with a new born, postpartum and cancer treatment to deal with. Needless to say it is all we did and thought about even as Grandparents .

The next summer we were deep in the pandemic, a one year old and I ended up with a pulmonary embolism (a blood clot in my right lung – not Covid related.) A genetic issue I did not know I had decided to surface. So once again my efforts to learn something new and dig deep into a new art form were pushed aside to regain health – breathing and walking were tricky for a bit. It took about 6 months to really get things back into shape. Clearly the 100 day journey was once again put aside.

Now we come to last summer. Little Man turned two, his Mom was doing great and she was considered cancer free and I was up and walking and feeling great. The 100 day project was back in my thinking and I had started it the beginning of June. June 19th came alone with a lovely 2 year old birthday party and I fell leaving me with a broken left wrist (being left handed) and a sore achy back. I tried but it was not going to happen there was no gardening and no painting or drawing.

This bring us now to this year. Here we are and I am planning again. I am creating a contract with myself to step into this work once again. I know these big stopping events have nothing to do with my setting myself up with this challenge but a bit of me is afraid to start it for fear of what big event will surface this year. I know it is crazy but it is how the brain and emotions tend to work. So I am stepping carefully into this plan. I am planning carefully and hoping for the best.

Here are the things I am thinking about as I begin this journey again. These points come from Suleika Jaouad and the Isolation Journal.

A list of what might be blocks to not working:

• my own fear of some issue popping up unannounced (you can’t blame me for this one)
• my ADHA – sitting for long periods is hard for me. I am often pulled to get up and do something else and then I don’t return to what I started. I am learning to recognize that feeling and not give into it.
• my own critic in my head that tells me I am not good enough to do this detailed work

What will keep me coming back:

• making it fun and planning to do small drawings each day
• maybe working outside instead of in my office
• reminding myself this is only for me – not for publishing
• posting that there are no mistakes – these are moments of learning
• setting a time each day to paint or draw (for now it will be nap time for Little Man – it seems to be working for my writing)
• setting up my task for the next days – what will I draw or paint the next day

Review my goals and intentions – are they realistic

• to draw or paint something/anything daily for 100 days
• to have FUN and explore what I can do with watercolor and pencil
• to learn to have patience with myself and my work
• it is not about the outcome but about the journey

Who can I ask to help me with a pep talk with I get in a slump?

• This is a tricky one – I am going to have to think about this. I tried a few years ago to connect with an artist friend but she was already involved in an artist group and did not want to take on another connection. There is always my husband and he certainly does this for me but I guess I was looking or thinking about someone who is outside of my home that might push me just a bit when I feel like stopping. Or someone who also in involved in the 100 Day Challenge who is looking for a connection as well.
• This is where the Two Writing Teachers community of writers has been great. Just knowing there are all those others writing out there for this month of March is always helpful. They are there if you need or want to reach out to them. Sometimes it is not even that I need to talk with anyone. It is just knowing others are there. The Isolation Journal group does have a community and a paid subscription that I could connect with but not sure if that is for me. I guess this is one step I will have to give some more thought too.

100 Days – Really???!! I though if I wrote this all out I would get to the end and have talked myself out of doing it. I thought I would say – NOPE just too much.

Instead, I seem to be more inclined to do it. I feel like this is the time and year to step into this. Little Man is older and can join me in the garden with his paints during the days he is here. The evenings are open and I don’t want to live with a fear that something new will pop up and stop me.

So here is to a new challenge beginning April One. I have two days to get myself mentally ready. Two days to finish this writing challenge and then shift.

I can do this!