Searching and getting lost

A good title right – I got you! It give the impression of a deep and thoughtful post. Ha – not so much!  This is really my being mentally lost this morning. I am not able to stay focused. I am a bit anxious and I have no idea what to write.

So I went seeking for ideas – first I looked over my email and found only junk there. Mainly it was politics which I am just not going to write about. It is to upsetting. Then I turned to Facebook. There must be a topic there that would strike my interest in writing.

Facebook is a large rabbit hole and down I went. There were the political posts, there is the post about another issue with the airlines, my friends birthday party, and the duck with the duckling stuck somewhere (this seems to happen a lot – someone is always recusing ducks).  I click to read one post and find myself clicking another article and then another and soon I have no idea where I am or what I am reading. I am also amazed that the side ads are getting more risque’ with each click. Time to get off of this site. Oh, did you know Judy Collins and Steve Stills have a new album coming out in the fall. What am I doing????

I have also been watching the sky outside my window go from clouds to brilliant blue to clouds all in 40 minutes time. I am listening to the sound of my neighbors hand mower and  the rustle of dried leaves or seeds from the failing tree across the street. The garden in my front yard is beautiful right now and the Balloon flowers need deadheading. I have old dishes to wash for a tea party book club tomorrow, we read The Perfume Collector. It was great fun. I am sure there is laundry that needs doing and I know I should dust somewhere in this house.

I have check the time over and over again 8:45, 9:15, 9:16, 9:40 – there is a doctors appointment at 10:45. The Cardiologist awaits. It is my one year check up a bit early. Questions run through my head – can I quit some of these heart meds?  what happens if I quit some of these heart meds?  have I exercised enough? have I lost enough weight? (mind you I have never weighted very much – now it is even less) what happens with those two partial blocks in my heart- are they a waiting heart attack? what else should I not be eating?

I have check the garden seeds that need to go in before fall and looked over the tulip catalog getting ready to order. Then I realize I have already ordered 125 bulbs from a different catalog and have not yet created the new bed for those bulbs. I write a note to plan out the new bed and what I will put in it. I check over my garden journal and write a few notes there.

I get ready to …

Can you see I am lost?

I was searching for writing ideas only to find myself thinking and doing everything but writing. I was letting my anxious self run away with my thinking. So after about an hour of crazy searching and tumbling I did what many writers do.

I opened up my blog and started writing. Writing anything, writing what I was doing at this very moment. I just needed to write. I just needed t o put words down on paper or screen. I needed to begin to ground myself in words. Words of any kind.

There you have it. A morning of being lost, seeking, wondering and then just writing. Somedays are like that. Just put words to paper and call it good. Tomorrow may bring more focus and may help me to find my way home.

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About Joanne Toft

I am a retired Minneapolis Public School teacher. I walk, garden, help in schools and write. Life is good!
This entry was posted in behavior, journals, Reflection, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Searching and getting lost

  1. Linsey says:

    Some days are just like that. lol I feel ya!

  2. arjeha says:

    Lost—no; exploring possibilities…yes.

    • Joanne Toft says:

      Good point – I like your take on it – I was just feeling a bit lost. I think I was more nervous this morning for the doctors appointment and just couldn’t see it. Thanks for our support.

  3. Andrea Clark says:

    It seems like you have lots of little slices in your life today. Maybe nothing profound, but not everything in life can be profound and exciting. I can definitely relate to going down the rabbit hole while trying to come up with ideas to write.

  4. lindabaie says:

    I loved reading your wandering thoughts, Joanne, hope the dr. appointment went beautifully, and so enjoyed the FB rambling, exactly what happens! Very fun all the way through.

  5. You may have felt lost and distracted, but you have written a very interesting post!

  6. marilynyung says:

    Just put words to paper and call it good. —- Now that’s a simple and direct way to put it. Thanks for posting!

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