It is just past mid December. I am retired. I have finally gotten to a place where I have personal project I really want to work on. New skills I am hoping to develop and old projects I am determined to finish. All of this takes time. Quiet time of my own that I can use to draw, to sew or write. These tasks are slow tasks. They are tasks that require concentration, quiet and time.
I am retired! Did I say that! I was sure I would have plenty of time to do these tasks. I thought I would have lots of open hours, lots of days with nothing planned that I could work on the things I am hoping to finish.
Ok – so it has not worked out that way. Over that last two months I have found a few hours here and there to begin to think about these tasks but not really to settle into the work.
How did retirement get so busy? It is odd that the first few years of retirement I was so happy to be working a bit at a school. I wondered how I would fill all the hours of the day. I worried that I was crazy to have retired. I needed the structure that comes from the school day and the tasks that were so familiar to me.
Now over the years I have slowly changed. My personal tasks have grown more important. I have developed the ability to structure my time instead of needing or seeking that structure from outside sources. My days no longer need the outside push of others. I still enjoy showing up at a school building, working with students and having some tasks to do that I know help others. But …
The but is a signal of the growth in me. I have become more internally directed. I have found comfort and joy in more time of quiet and time to be alone to develop new skills or hone the old ones. I now crave time to be alone to move forward on projects I have set before me.
So after a large family Thanksgiving, family wedding, a round of testing at the school I work for, and many holiday events still to come – all of it wonderful and joyous I am waiting for quiet.
I am waiting to wake up to a slow morning of yoga, a walk in the woods, tea and drawing. I am waiting to pull out my unfinished quilt to continue sewing each square. I am waiting to plan the next years garden and the changes needed in the yard.
I am waiting to just be for a short time.
(I know it is coming – it is my Christmas gift this year – some time of quiet and reflection.)
Happy Holidays – I am hoping you get the gift of time and quiet as well!