Scattered thinking

Yesterday I was sure of what my post would be today. I had thoughts about sharing the process of getting ready for spring. I reviewed all my old seeds yesterday to get ready for ordering new ones. A great light post after all the dark politics.

I also had so many wonderful thoughts of the March on Saturday here in Minnesota. There was a strong feeling of support – it is amazing to stand among 100,000 people who support the rights of all woman – well, really all people. It is lovely to see a crowd as peaceful and friendly as this one. It was great. Energy was everywhere.Womans march.JPG

But the late night sleeping scattered those thoughts. It was an evening of ghosts. It happens from time to time that our personal history comes back to visit in the night. My preference for those historical reflections would be to have positive events in my life show back up.

Ah but our unconscious does not do the bidding of our conscious mind. It chooses on its own which events we will visit, which people we recall or what pains we might experience once again in the wee hours of night.

It appears I had some ghost pains to deal with during the night – shoulders and back pains that put me in mind of a recent heart attack, an achy wrist and thumb that brought racing memories of a past student, suffering through sexual abuse issues, that nearly broke my thumb, the fears of our current politics that roll in and out of my dreams. There are more but you understand. Our minds are wondrous things that can lead us down many paths. Those paths can be sources of delight or of fear and anger.

This morning I am a bit scattered after so many harsh feelings that were released in the night but the word release is the key here.

  • No, it was not fun.
  • No, I don’t feel like I slept much.
  • Yes, my heart rate was going up and down.

What I do know is that I can either complain and fight those ghosts knowing this means I will hold on to them for a revisit or I can think of this as a release. They were a visit so that I can let them go – breathing out my fears and worries. I can say yes this happened, what do I learn from it, what am I changing and then send those thoughts away instead of wearing them in my joints and muscles as aches and pains.

It is not an easy process and for some those evening ghosts hold even more powerful fears. It is where we can use help. The comfort of a friend who can just listen as we talk through those times. A counselor may be that friend as well. A steady pattern of yoga, walking, the gym that helps us physically move through our emotions and release them.  Taking time to eat well – good healthy food and drink makes it easy to process the emotions that swirl around us. Taking time to enjoy our selves, family, friends and the world around us.

Our world, personal and global, will have lots of powerful ups and downs in the coming months and years. We need to learn not to hold on to anger and fear. We need to find health and peace so that we can activate change for the good. We need to work from the positive not from the fears and ghost of the dark.

So today I am taking my scattered self for a long walk, eat a good meal and chat with a good friend. Tomorrow I will be back to fighting the good fight with a more positive attitude! grasslake walk.JPG

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About Joanne Toft

I am a retired Minneapolis Public School teacher. I walk, garden, help in schools and write. Life is good!
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8 Responses to Scattered thinking

  1. terierrol says:

    You wrote so eloquently of those ghosts, yes I’ve had them too. And now I’ll remember some of your ways to think and deal with them. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Maureen says:

    Love these scattered thoughts. The juxtaposition of your ghosts with the hopefulness of the Women’s March was really poignant. This line jumps out at me: “We need to find health and peace so that we can activate change for the good.” So true! Your walk is great self care!

  3. Joanne Toft says:

    Thanks – it is important to learn how to release instead of fight! Take Care!

  4. You described so eloquently how those ghosts/fears/worries can take control of our minds. I hope the walk filled with endomorphins and powerful strides takes you back into a safer, friendlier place.

  5. arjeha says:

    Yes, we do all have those “ghosts” from time to time. I really like your idea of releasing them. We don’t have time to let them bog us down.

  6. Ramona says:

    I can identify. No nightmares, just waking up in the middle of the night worries that make it hard to fall back asleep. Love this encouraging post . . . release the negative emotions and find health and peace so we that we can activate change for the good.

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