Today is Wednesday and I have missed my two regular posts. I found myself caught up in the work world for the last few days and my writing quietly slid to the last task on the list.
Unfortunately the end of the list items never get done on the day they are set for. That means it is now Wednesday and I am writing – do I write about what I have been reading? – that is Mondays post. Do I write about a short Slice of Life? that is Tuesday post.
No, today I write about the bridge I am sitting on. It is not a real bridge although it feels real to me. It is the bridge of decisions. A place where you sit when you are making changes in your life. It can be a beautiful place to be. At least this one is for me . (I am aware that some changes are forced and not so wonderful but you never know where they lead.)
It has not been an easy walk over the bridge. Leaving behind my years of teaching and working with children has been hard. It is all I have known in my work life and I loved it. Now I am interested to see what new things might come my way. What new interests I might develop – the what if’s arrive about mid way over the bridge.
The pull back to teaching is strong. It is comfortable even through hard work. I get it and know I can work my way through the tasks before me. It is however on the old side of the bridge.
The new side has possibilities. New things to try out – the writing I am doing, the drawing class I have signed up for, the evening walks without school work haunting my thinking. It also has the unsure feelings. The feelings of I don’t have a clue what I am doing. These are the feeling that have been keeping me in the middle of the bridge this summer.
In fact, I just finishing wrestling with a large pull to turn back to the old side of the bridge. A call came in asking if I wanted to teach a group of adult learners who are working towards their teaching degree. What a great idea! It sounded exciting, I know this and it felt like a honor to be asked. (Even though I know they have asked several others before me.)
They needed an instructor to teach elementary Social Studies. The how to’s of fitting that into the curriculum in an age where it is not valved by administration. They wanted the deeper working of Social Studies and all its parts. I thought long and hard on this one and began the walk back over the bridge to return to teaching. It was after about four steps I realized that I would be walking back into a full time planning, developing and stressing for less than part time pay.
It was not a full time job but since Social Studies was and is not my area of study I would have my work cut out for me just to stay ahead of my students. Classes for these adult learners begin this Friday although my first class with them would not have been for another week. Oh yeah, teaching – a week to put together my lessons for the fall semester in an area I am not well versed in – I know this stress.
And so I stopped before I really said yes – which side of the bridge do I want to be on? Do I want to return to teaching and all it brings with it or do I want to continue over the bridge into the new areas of writing, horticulture and more?
It was hard but I turned around and headed back to the middle of the bridge and beyond. I sent the e-mail that said thank you so much but my schedule is just to full to take this teaching on this fall.
I think I have finally moved from the middle of the bridge down the new side of adventure, learning and exploration. I feel as if I am no longer sitting in the middle of the bridge blocking the road.
Let’s go see what the other side has to offer. Teaching was great but time to see what other great things there are in life to do!
(Mary Ellen – thanks for the photo of yet another bridge. We are always crossing bridges and this one is just perfect for exploring the other side.)